“Responding to Delusions, Otherwise Known as Thoughts & Prayers”
September 3rd, 2017
Recently after a long, grueling search for a new job, I was finally able to land the job I was looking for. When I informed some friends and family of my good news, I was advised that they had “prayed” for me. This was more than acknowledgment of some well intended good will; it was conveyed as though their “prayer” had in fact been the instrument of my accomplishment. I so wanted to respond to this in like fashion:
“Oh you prayed for me! Why didn’t you tell me that before my interview? I had to rush to the Dollar Store and spend $5 on razors because I had forgotten to shave 20 minutes before the interview. Hell, when my prospective employers were grilling me with questions about my experience and qualifications, I could have avoided all of this by pointing out that you had already prayed for me to get this job. ‘”Why are you asking me about my previous employment and education? Dude people prayed for me to get this job. So just sign me up already bitches!” Plus if you knew you had this ability to will me such achievements, why didn’t you pray for me to just be given a Bachelors Degree? Think of all the time and money I would have saved! Speaking of money, you fuckers owe me $5 for the razor blades.”
Sadly, I did not respond to the self-congratulatory delusions they shared with me in any such a way. I simply bit my tongue and smiled. I am sure in the near future I will be granted another opportunity to deal with similar ignorance of reality met with theodicy.